Dear Blog,
I've been unable to write to you lately due to social obligations out in the real world and just pure laziness, and for that, I apologize. Today I'd like to write about something that happen to me yesterday. Well, multiple things of the same subject. Yesterday, as childish as it sounds, I was "bullied".
The word "Bullied", the way it's seen in the public today, is not how I'm meaning to use it. I wasn't pushed around, I didn't have someone put my underwear over my head, and I wasn't made to look a fool in public. The bullying I'm referring to was in jest. The type of bullying that happens between friends. The type of bullying I receive, as do most people, on a daily basis. Everyone calls their friends names, gives them a hard time, and some even horse around. All in good fun. But at what point does this become too much for somebody? Everyone has the line that they know they shouldn't cross and sometimes it's obvious when someone is hurt or upset about what you've said, at which point you can apologize and know not to do that again. But what about those who shrug it off? Those that never show that they are upset about harassment or being made into a joke? Obviously those people should let the harasser know that what they've done or said has upset them, but it's much easier said than done. Behaviorally speaking, ignoring these attacks would decrease the frequency of them happening. Eliminate their reward and their behavior is soon to follow. That is, if it's attention they're looking to achieve. If they're doing it out of social validation then it becomes harder to eliminate. And if something internal is reinforcing it (low-self esteem, feelings of inadequacy, etc.) then it becomes even harder to eliminate.
Say Johnny is being made fun of, it's all in good fun, and then it goes too far. Johnny is upset so he lets his friend know in a serious and polite manner and asks for it not to happen again. The harasser then continues to harass, calling Johnny a "bitch" or other demeaning term and telling him to suck it up because it's only joke. So, Johnny being already upset becomes even more upset and learns that next time, he'll just keep his mouth shut, because he will only have to deal with a little harassment and not the barrage he just received. What about people like Johnny? Should they continue to shrug it off or should they "fight" back, letting people know that he is not to be messed with? Or should he not allow those minuscule issues affect him? They're only words after all.
Yesterday I was bullied. A friend of mine, who picks on me (jokingly) constantly finally got on my nerves. He demeaned me, picked me apart for my flaws, and made me feel as if my comments to a serious discussion were null and void. So what did I do? I laughed and proceeded to stop adding my comments. I don't usually get upset about being harassed but this time it just got to me. But why? Why do words hurt? After all, they're just words. They're made up to help convey an idea. The only value they hold is the value we give them. So why is it so hard to ignore them? And should I even try to ignore them? Like I've said before, getting upset about these minuscule events is pointless. They serve no purpose and have no benefit to us whatsoever. So would it be beneficial to us to not allow it to affect us? Allowing it to affect you makes you upset and takes away from your happiness. Happiness being the main goal of a lot of people's lives.
Most times I just let people make fun of me. It really doesn't bother me most times. But in return I've been criticized for it, called a bitch, and questioned on my submissiveness. Does it really matter that much?
Annoyed and Confused,
Josh
I think in the case of Johnny and his friend, that when his friend tells Johnny to suck it up, that Johnny should not necessarily "fight back," but rather make sure the fact the harassment is bothering him is serious, and that he does not consider the harassment to be a joke. Although, I do agree with you, it is much easier said than done.
ReplyDeletePersonally, I do believe that an individual's reaction to harassment is a personal matter, and whether it matters or not is that person's own decision. However, I also believe that if it does hurt, it shouldn't be dismissed. True, words only have the value we give them, but, because we give them those values, they are real. I'll leave this with a quote. It's not quite 100% applicable to this situation, but I think it does apply somewhat. As it says, by ignoring words when they hurt, you're doing yourself a disservice.
"The good times and the bad times both will pass. It will pass. It will get easier. But the fact that it will get easier does not mean that it doesn't hurt now. And when people try to minimize your pain they are doing you a disservice. And when you try to minimize your own pain you're doing yourself a disservice. Don't do that. The truth is that it hurts because it's real. It hurts because it mattered. And that's an important thing to acknowledge to yourself. But that doesn't mean that it won't end, that it won't get better. Because it will" - John Green
Sorry for the late reply, Dan. But to respond to your comment, what about dismissing the things that hurt make it a disservice? What do you benefit from letting yourself get hurt or offended? Yes, it's good to acknowledge that something didn't sit well with you, because that means you care about something and that may motivate you to do something about it. But why allow it to hurt and make you upset? What benefits do you gain?
DeleteThanks for the comment and thanks for reading!